Monday, February 4, 2019

Love, Divorce and Respect; and, the January curse, or myth?

follow me photography
The holiday season has long past and January is over. We are well into 2019 and Valentine’s Day is upon us.  Love romance and hearts. Yet love is just not all about the hormonal tragedies of Romeo and Juliet and Sleeplessness in Seattle. Often what was once so bliss with watching the sunrise during soulmated passionate talks can end in arbitration or the courts - divorce. For the past several years I believed that January was the biggest divorce month.  It makes sense if you think about it.  If nothing else one could believe that a New Years’ resolution could be the severing of an energy drainer or a return to a Selfed uncoupled relationship.

Despite many thinking that January was the main month for divorce the University of Washington is now saying that
August and March are the key times for divorce.  So, now what we know is that there is not just one peek time in the year for someone to contemplate divorce or receive information from a spouse about ending the marriage.  Frequently, we get so busy with our daily lives that we don’t have time to work on relationships even if we want to. Between a demanding boss, a project deadline, parents aging or difficult teens where is there time for improving a marriage?  And if you have infants or toddlers forget romantic bliss and relationship check-in’s. For get it. The best you can do is get to next Monday’s staff meeting.

underwater photography of woman and man while holding hands
Yet, assuming one wanted to improve their marriage WTF does that mean?  “Improve my marriage… communicate better… do more for your partner.” Is this something from a self help book and not real life?  In truth, marriage go through high ebbs and flows. Problems arise. The real challenge is trying the deal with a problem after it has become to big to manage.  If you can look for signs and work on your relationship throughout your union and not just when problems arise you are ahead of the game. Neglecting and sadly ignoring are significant traps many of us encounter.  

Of all the goals to target maintaining respect for your partner is perhaps the highest honor you can have for your relationship - and yourself.  This question might not be how would you like to be treated but how would you like to treat the person you respect the most and how could you commit to respecting and not being lazy in respecting this person.  A spouse has different roles ranging from lover to roommate to parent of your child to business partner. These roles shift throughout time and day by day. Respecting that person, not wanting to embarrass them, not being vindictive, not holding grudges, and being polite are healthy forms of loving behavior.  Regardless if you are ending a relationship or staying in one you are responsible for providing respect and love. So, let’s get through the year and see what the upcoming Valentine’s Day brings. As a couples counselor and marriage and family therapist my role is to support families and couples in developing and perhaps learning healthy communication skills to manage the ebbs and flows of unions.

two person showing silver-colored rings

Below are links and more information that might be of interest regarding divorce:

Signs you are heading for divorce (lack of respect is a big section of this link) -
15 things Divorce lawyers want you to know ( i LOVE think before you text! -goodness that is the best advice of the decade). -

Photo by Jenn Evelyn-Ann on Unsplash
Photo by Désirée Fawn on Unsplash

Read more about Dr. Strayhorn's practice and philosophy...

No comments:

Post a Comment