Saturday, August 18, 2018

The Awkward of Sexual Health and the Moments of Discomfort, or Comfort - Part 2

Sexually Awkward Normals and Shattered Myths - continued.

Last week presented the thoughts of sex being complicated.  The Awkward of Sexual Health and the Moments of Discomfort, or Comfort was the discussion.  What most of us already know is that ...
in some way sex is beneficial for our well being.  Good fun sex is not meant solely as a procreational discussion, but it is often lacking in the general population’s intrigue as it relates to the positive health benefits of the individual.  

As stated last week, let’s revisit some of these awkward acts of sexual engagement to continue the intrigue.  Sex therapist Dr. Kristie Overstreet emphasizes “. ...Don’t get mad or react to your partner in a negative way.  Accidents happen, so let it go, laugh it off…” I am a big proponent for the dismissal of the cinematic climatic unreachable unrealistic titanic Winset/DeCaprio and over the top perfection on romantic holiday Hepburn/Peck or the Ryan/Hanks perfect cutest couple of the universe images.  While falling into the trappings of these perceived perfectly presented often overly Eurocentric images we don’t allow for the clunked tooth “ouch,” or the elbow to breast “oh I’m so sorry.” The physical gymnastic wrestling matches are often experiences not revealed in the big presentation of Hollywood. However, we all have had them in our real life.  So, this marriage and family therapist says, embrace it and learn to love imperfections perfection.

In sync with the physical is the mental sport of the sexual athletic game.  The awkward of name recall, a euphemism for calling your partner by the wrong name, raises the question of this being a laughable moment or an argument moment. Jim Pfaus, Ph.D., neuroscience and psychology at Concordia University, concurs in thoughts of avoiding anger in this instance.  Although recognized this is an easier said than practiced situation the inquiry and growth moment is valuable in this occurrence. Pfaus, believes “When you’re in a state of euphoria you conjure up things that remind you of other things simply because you’re in a state that has happened before.”  Therefore, this is behavioral science. Jealousy and anger won’t serve you if you have not received the honor of Call Me by My Name status.  Ultimately, your goal in this situation of being called a name other than your own is to have the opportunity to ask about the name being called. This is potentially an intimate moment? The question is what did you love and appreciate about the other person. Why are they not still present in your life (uhhhh, are are they)? Basically, you did something that must be favorable as this is most probably a skinnerian or pavlovian reinforced behavior.  Thus, you have recreated a positive in your sex partner’s life. It might not be a negative. With that being said: Don’t be gullible. Your partner is there with you and that is what counts; however, if their mind is elsewhere with that other person that is a significant problem.

Another, awkward event is the hot and heavy, or horny as hell but something just happened:  The other teammate just feel asleep on me! Again: Don’t be gullible. This might mean your lover is just not that into you.  However, don’t jump to conclusions. Look at the bright side and don’t be so narcissistic expecting the world to revolve around your needs.  They are there with you: This is an opportunity to have non-sexual intimacy. Think how appreciative you partner might be knowing you are not judging them for falling asleep.  Did your partner have a long grueling work day and it was Friday and you went out and drank and it is now Midnight? Is there stress about his aging parents? Is her sister divorcing and having financial stressors?  Did the twins living with the ex-wife just get diagnosed with ADHD and having academic problems. Did she just eat too much for dinner and just had a sugar crash? An ongoing joke for decades with my parents was my father falling asleep on their honeymoon.  This became an endearing moment for an elderly couple. It was never shaming but an intimate joke of endearment. It was not a hostile accounting or information held against a spouse. It was a situation where they could laugh and be honest about that happens in life.  So, embrace awkward moments so that you can strengthen and sustain your sex which will strengthen and sustain your health. Good sex equals good health equals good life.

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