Friday, November 17, 2017

It Could Happen to You

Long Term Love - Longevity and the Art of Happiness

There are happy couples, you know.  They exist right before us.  How timely to find the treasure in Poseidon's mortal consequences through Harvey and Irma’s romantic longevity.  Despite the flood and hurricanes of Harvey and Irma there exists a union with more depth than natural disasters.  Mr. and Mrs. Schluter’s longevity of 75 years will far withstand any tragedies of Harvey and Irma.
Personally, I have witnessed several  aunts and uncles in their golden years who have the marriages we strive for.  There is a gym acquaintance in a long-termed relationship who says “thank you” throughout the day to his partner.  They are forever doing date nite.  It is truly pleasant, smile-able, engaging. They really are best friends. I have a friend who is a politician (eek! Dare I mention this without annoying someone?) who has had a successful long term relationship and each time I reach out to my friend they are roadtripping or in some exotic country.   Some of these couples, whether it is luck or compatibility or timing or dual-awareness have found happiness within their unions.  

I discuss these couples for this reason:  If you are wanting a happy relationship LOOK FOR ROLE MODELS and create your happiness.  This is what I ask you.  If you are a student in school and you want to get A’s do you hang around D students? If you are starting out in a career that you love are you going to attempt to connect with successful admired mentors whom you emulated or are you going to associate with the partiers who trash-talk the powers around them?  The formula applies for relationships.  If you want to be a millionaire you better not hang around gambling addicts.  Flock around millionaires.  And if you are really smart align yourself to billionaires.   You will start thinking acting and identifying with the ideology of millionaires.  
As a marriage counselor in the Los Angeles and Beverly Hills area working with couples counseling I work with communication problems and infidelity and needing counseling to “improve” one’s relationship.  Couples often experience emotional stressors trying to keep their relationships together only to have a long-term troubled marital conflict.  Have you heard of couples in their sexual prime who disclose “We haven’t had sex in months...”  What about the couple without medical problems who have not had sex in several years?  The indifferenced non-partnered relationship that does not even have a friendship is the sad event of the fearful.  Fearful in shattering religious belief systems or being alone or hurting offspring or the utter vexation of being alone in one’s solitude.  When is leaving a relationship the best thing or right thing to do?  Moreover, what if leaving despite perceived indifference is a poor life, psychic, emotional, personal choice.  With all these overkills of how hard relationships are, and the pitfalls of relationships it leads to negative thinking.  Where are the positives stories and positive relationships?!!!!!
These positive relationships are accessible and directly in front of us.  In order to recognize these relationships t is important to identify that many of us are drawn to the-grass-is-greener-on-the-other-side-of-the-fence way of thinking.  The problem with this oh so familiar story is that once we hop over this fence for luscious greener pastures we ultimately realize that our impulsivity and ill thought wonderment is just that: Ill thought and whimsical wonder.  We fail to notice the loud barking dogs on the other side of the property; the debris with mosquitoes in the tires at the far end of the property; and all the other unfortunates that we just overlooked. The Kentucky blue-green part of the lawn is what all the neighbors present.  
So, happiness if it isn’t right at your grasp might be waiting for you.  There are many couples that form their successful unions later in life after they have matured; after the mistakes have been made; after learning from life lessons have occurred; after they recognize what we want in life; and after time and events allow for the simplicity of, timing.  Timing is its own mystery playing a part in your relationship.  So, for all the good that relationships have to offer let’s focus on and celebrate the couples that weathered the storm to find blove (bliss and love).  And let’s celebrate the late bloomers that found their butterflies.  Sometimes it takes a few dress rehearsals to get the great reviews.  It takes the Malcolm Gladwell 1000 hour rule to get to the point of mastery.  
If Gladwell assertion is true (which I believe it is), it would apply to relationships. Whether one long term relationship or several relationships that allow you to adapt and grow into an aware of your role with partners, happiness is waiting for you.  In conclusion, let’s end our thoughts on a positive about the jitters and butterflies captured in a couple’s golden age romance leading to their marriage.  Whether it is, a park, a synagogue, a grocery store, a PTA meeting, Runyon Canyon Dog Park, or Beverly Hills Roy Rogers Park, June Chrisy says it perfectly... “It Could Happen to You.” (music by Jimmy Van Heusen and lyrics by Johnny Burke - 1943).
Read more about Dr. Strayhorn's practice and philosophy...

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